i feel hopeless. i feel powerless.
but the only way anyone would ever know is if they read these..
chest pains.
physically, i’m fine
probably the healthiest i’ve ever been
but my heart hurts
it physically hurts
i feel the pain wherever i go
periodically clutching my chest
this is real pain
the pain that is underneath my skin
the pain that cannot be seen
pain that can only be felt
pain that i cannot put into words
emotional pain hurting me physically
this pain is going to be the end of me
i plan on leaving soon
this shit is so weird. this is really the matrix.
don’t know if i’ll make it
don’t know how
i remember when i was happy
everything seemed like it would never end
everything made sense
i took you for granted happiness
i have been searching for you
you visit sometimes but it’s not the same
you don’t make me feel the same way you once did
because i know it’s temporary
nowadays i confuse you with contentment
i confuse you with not being sad
i confuse you with being numb
“i feel better than i did before, i must be happy”
it’s not true
i wish i could have you again
i miss my happy
we were good together
i’m sorry i took you for granted
i hope to see you soon
i hope that you stay with me for more than a few moments
i hope you want me as much i as i want you
i hope you haven’t forgotten about me
i hope that there’s enough of you left to make me feel whole again
please don’t leave me again
i should’ve loved you when i had the chance
i don’t deserve you
i don’t deserve anything
i am sorry to whoever reads these
i cannot stress enough how much my life does not make sense at this very moment. idk what’s wrong with me.
i am not stable in the slightest, but i am also the most stable i have ever been in my life.
i hate this shit so much. i wish these feelings, these thoughts had a fucking off button. i hate waiting to be better. am i ever going to get better? these feelings are killing me. killing my sanity.
honestly, what did i do to deserve this? if i am as good of a person as people tell me, why am i at this point?
am i not enough?
am i doing too much?